she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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