i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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