Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
