i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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