my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
