Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
