Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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