Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
