i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
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Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
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There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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