mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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