Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
