I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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