i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
