dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
