My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize