Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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