Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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