I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
