afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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