But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
