The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
