Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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