did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
they're like a gay fantastic four
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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