ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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