I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
babies were throwing up all over the place
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He did a backflip because drugs
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