remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
