You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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