Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
