Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
