The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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