Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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