You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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