Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I FOUND THE LEGS
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
