What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
