watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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