So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
