she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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