Screwed.edu
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
