She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
