Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
