hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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