i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
