Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
