I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
