hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
