fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
