It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
