I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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