This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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