she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
