can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
