this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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