I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
is that a dick in a sweater?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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