The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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