Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
