Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
