My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
