So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
