Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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