I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
