i just wanna soil my oats bro
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
