I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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