Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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