my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
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The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
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I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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