it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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