she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
