put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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