My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
