cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
