i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Ketchup is God's man juice
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
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My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
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His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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