sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
