Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
