Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
