I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
