I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize
