Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We just shotgunned beers for America
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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