i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
